The Right Choice
by elliejelliebean
Summary: Seven years after becoming a vampire, Bella comes to terms with all that Edward knew she would miss of her humanity. BxE One-Shot, No Spoilers


**A/N: ¡Hola chicas! It's officially LESS THAN FOUR DAYS until the release of _Breaking Dawn_, and I for one am looking forward to some serious Vampire!Bella action! Yay! -does the shamless fangirl squeel reserved only for Twilight-**

**Now, please bear with me for a second here as I delve briefly into my reasons for writing this piece. I have always had some worries as to Bella regretting her decision to leave humanity behind. Don't get me wrong—I love Edward and Bella together just as much as you do (or maybe more, if you're a supporter of Team Jacob! haha), but I've always thought that Bella would miss certain things about humanity…especially motherhood. I for one am a teenager and there was a brief time in my life when I thought that I could not have children. I had never particularly wanted children, but when faced with the cold, hard, reality that I would forever be childless (do not fear, it was a false alarm, Thank God), I could think of nothing that I wouldn't trade to reverse my situation. But perhaps, if I had a love like Bella's…so anyway, please enjoy and I would love to hear what you think.**

The Right Choice

"Edward!" I laughed, shrieking a little bit as he wrestled me playfully to the ground. It had been seven years since the change, and we didn't have to be careful anymore.

Of course, he still held his arms on either side of me like a cage, ridiculously careful not to crush my nearly indestructible body. Some things never change, I guess.

I sighed as he rolled off of me and onto the damp ground.

"I love this place," I whispered, looking up at the grey sky over our meadow.

"As do I," he said next to me. But when I turned to look at him his eyes were on me, not on the meadow. He smiled as we stared at each other, and I could almost hear an echo of my now silent heart beating faster.

He touched that place on my chest, as he had taken to doing these seven years when the sound was noticeably absent.

"Do you miss it?" he asked.

"A little," I admitted, and for a second I saw a flash of very familiar pain enter his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered brokenly, sounding so hurt, so heartbroken, even after all of these years.

"Don't be," I told him sternly. "I've gained so much more than I've lost. I would never be this blissfully happy without giving something up, Edward. It wouldn't be right. I can't have everything, no matter how hard you wish for it to be so."

"I do wish for it," he said. "But you don't think, Bella, that you could have achieved this happiness without giving up your life—your humanity—everything?" he looked very honestly curious, in a sad sort of way.

"Oh, Edward," I sighed. "Of course I couldn't feel this way without you! I couldn't feel a tenth—a hundredth!—of the happiness that I feel now were you not with me." I continued, and my voice was softer, so as not to hurt him. "We both remember what happened when I was away from you. I wouldn't have continued on in that state of depression for so many years, but all emotions were so…muted, for me, without you there. Edward, of course I miss my family, and of course I am beginning to understand what you meant about children and growing old. But it does not overshadow my love for you and my happiness at the fact that we can be together. Forever, for eternity."

He looked a little unsure still, but smiled a genuine smile and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.

* * *

While both Edward and I loved to run—I wasn't nearly as fast as him, but it was still exhilarating for both of us, even with him going slow for me—we also had come to enjoy walks at human paces. It was wonderful, certainly, to feel the wind against your face and the ground sail away beneath your feet. But one could only truly appreciate the world while going slower, taking everything in slowly and not rushing so fast.

So we were walking at a very human pace as we came closer to the river. Edward held my hand in his, and the sound of rushing water grew ever louder.

Now in the forest, the air was very thick and there were many barriers—trees, vines, and such—so air stayed fairly stationary.

Therefore, we did not smell the human fishing at the water's edge until we saw him.

Edward had the presence of mind to bolt, and tugged on my hand indicating for me to run also.

But I was rooted to the spot.

Because there was something about this man—the slight slump of his shoulders, the balding grayish brown curls of his hair, the old, beat-up fishing jacket…

I gasped, causing the man to turn and look at me.

And I found myself looking into the eyes of my father.

As he looked at me, his eyes were startled. But then there was a spark of recognition.

"Bella?" he asked incredulously. "Bella, is that you?"

He got up from his chair and stumbled quickly over to me. While I was watching him, my quick vampire mind was concentrating on several things.

First: he was old and sad looking, especially as he stumbled toward me in his desperation to see me. It made me very sad.

Second: Edward was not with me - he had wisely gone away when he realized that he would be recognized. Charlie would not recognize me once he saw me up close. I would have to act like I didn't know him, like I was just some hiker in the woods. Seven years of constant training had not prepared me for this acting job.

And third: I realized in that moment just how very very much he had loved me, how much it had hurt him when I went away. I could see it in his eyes. This made me sad, too.

"Bella?" he asked one more time before he was close enough to really look at me.

He was abruptly embarrassed.

"I'm so sorry, Miss. So very sorry," he smiled his crinkly-eyed smile, but some of the light was missing from it. "You looked very much like my daughter Bella for a moment there."

He was suddenly pensive. "But your eyes are different," he said, looking a bit lost. "And your face isn't quite the same. She's older, now, too…"

"I'm very sorry to bother you," he said, smiling again.

"No, not at all," I managed weakly. Oh how I longed to go up to him and hold him, ask him how he was feeding himself, spend time with him that I had never appreciated before…

"You best be on your way," he said. "A storm's coming overhead. The fish'll be biting, but you'll want shelter."

"Yes, sir. It was good to meet you."

He shook his head a little as he returned to his fishing pole, and I was sure that he was thinking of how I sounded like his daughter, too.

It was all that I could do not to start running at vampire speed right in front of Charlie's watchful eyes. But I held myself together, and by the time I was at the edge of the trees where Charlie could no longer see me I was ready to burst.

Tearless sobs racked my frame, making me shake and gasp for air that I did not need. I felt two stone cold arms around me, and they helped, but they couldn't fully ease the pain.

Edward said nothing as he held me, and for a moment I dwelt on what this must me doing to him—seeing me so distraught over something that I had given up for him. But I couldn't make myself stop. Seeing Charlie had been more than I was prepared for, and wanting so fiercely to be with him was definitely way beyond anything that I could handle.

After the sobs had quieted, Edward held me away from his chest so that he could look me in the eye.

"Tell me what I can do," he said, worried and sad and just a bit desperate.

"Take me home," I said. "I need to forget about this."

His brow creased for a moment, and then he nodded. "Okay," he said, and he picked me up in his arms like old times and shot through the trees.

* * *

This time, we smelt them before we saw them.

Edward was almost to the car when all of a sudden both of us were hit with an unbelievably powerful aroma.

Werewolf.

Edward immediately slowed. I panicked.

"No Edward, I can't do this right now, what if it's him, I just—"

He looked pained as his eyes met mine. "I know, Bella. But they smell us, too. They'll follow us if we don't identify ourselves. I'm sorry."

He set me on my feet, keeping an arm around my waist, just as three figures came through the trees.

An elderly man in a wheelchair was being pushed by a man I had once loved, trailed by a child straight from my dreams of a lifetime ago.

Jacob's eyes were full of pain, confusion, and shock as he saw us.

I realized with a painful stab of recognition that they were here with Charlie, fishing for a day down at the river.

And for the first time in my life, I felt the pain that Edward had tried to shield me from. The pain of seeing another life that was once within your reach, wanting it so badly you would give up almost anything for it, and knowing that you had made your choice to turn away from it.

I felt, for the first time, what he meant. Seven years ago, I had _seen_ what he meant as Jacob kissed me—I saw the life that we would have had together. But now I felt that longing, felt the love—so different from my love for Edward—that I would have for all of my family, for Charlie and Billy and Jacob and our children.

And I saw it so clear. I saw Charlie calling me at home to invite Jacob and I and the kids on a fishing trip he and Billy were planning. I saw the child that stood before me on my hip, trying to steal the phone so that he could say hello to Grandpa, or perhaps tugging on my hair. I saw Jacob loading the car with gear, joking with me about needing to save at least half of the space in the trunk for the fish Charlie and Billy would catch. I saw myself sitting at the water's edge, maybe a little bored but content also as I saw three generations, family and life, the fact that the picture was so temporary instead of eternal making it all the more beautiful. I felt the flare of panic in my chest as my child moved to close to the water's edge, saw myself crying out and running to pull him back.

And then it was so painful I had to stop.

Jacob nodded at me, looking as if he wasn't capable of much more.

Billy glared fiercely, and I saw in his eyes what I had done to his son.

The child pulled on Jacob's pant leg.

"Daddy!" he called. "Daddy who are those people? I smell something bad…"

He wrinkled his nose in the most heartbreakingly sweet expression.

If I was still human, I would have fainted. As it was, I simply looked pleadingly at Edward, who picked me up again, nodded sadly to a still-frozen Jacob, and ran us off into the distance.

We didn't go to the car. He took us to his old house, uninhabited but kept clean by our frequent visits to our meadow.

He carried me all the way upstairs and set me on top of the old, beautiful bed that dominated his old room.

As soon as he set me down, he walked away from me, as far as the room would allow. When I turned to look at him, his eyes were simultaneously hard and tender, but full of a pain and a sadness so intense it made me want to reach out for him, hold him forever and lie to him to make him think I wasn't hurting.

"You can't know how sorry I am, Isabella," he said to me. "I saw in your eyes today how much you long for a life that I took from you." He took a stuttering breath. "Took from you, knowing that someday you would feel this way. I am so unfathomably sorry for what I have done to you," he said.

I only stared, lost and confused and angered that he was taking this upon himself, as he did everything.

He looked pained. "If you want me to leave, I understand, I'll, I'll…"

"No," I said hoarsely. It was a reflex, my natural reaction. Edward, leaving, gone—no. I couldn't handle it. I loved him; I needed to be with him. When I was happy I longed to share it with him. When I was sad it was his arms I craved. Seven years had not changed the intensity of my feelings for him.

And as I saw his eyes soften, relieved that I still wanted him and loved him, I remembered my own life, the one that I had chosen.

A life of damnation, unquenchable thirst, of night. A life of lies and secrecy, of alienation. And a life in the arms of Edward.

And I remembered why I made the choice that I did. I saw the life that I had chosen, saw what would be awaiting Edward and I at home.

Esme would be waiting in the parlor for us, no matter what, anxious of our arrival. She would embrace me and kiss my forehead and leave me with no doubt at all of her love for me. Carlisle would come down from his library to greet us and, in his old and wise eyes I would also see that love. Emmet and Rose and Alice would be in the basement working on the computer that Alice had seen which was supposed to be released in a few years, but Alice would immediately drop whatever she was doing to fly gracefully up the stairs to see us when she foresaw our arrival. Jasper would come down from his study and we would be able to feel just how happy he was to see us too. And then Edward and I would go off and spend some time alone together, because we didn't get enough on our vacation together.

"Come here," I said quietly to Edward, opening my arms for him. He crossed the room slowly, cautiously.

"I made a choice, Edward," I said to him. "Much as you did that day in the meadow. I gave up one future, one that was perhaps more…_natural_, more how things are supposed to be, for this."

I looked meaningfully into his eyes.

"It's painful, sometimes, but it was _right_," I whispered to him.

"And besides," I said, quoting an afternoon lifetimes past. "It will never be so hard again."

And it wouldn't. I knew now, fully comprehended, what I had given up. I felt an ache in my chest whenever I dwelt upon it. But it would never take me by force as it had today. I had fully come to terms with my choice. The right choice.

Edward smiled down at me. He bent down and kissed me, soft and tender, careful as if I was still a human, breakable. The quickening of my heart could not be heard.

Edward took the hand that wasn't on the back of my head and pressed it against my chest, where my dead heart was, a silent reminder of all that I had given up. But Edward's cool hand was a reminder, too, of all that I had gained in return.


End file.
